| Pastry Apocalypse |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|03:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Mama's house | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  scared | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | foood wrappers! | ] |
My brothers spent the night last night. I just brought the 2 younger ones home (to their house where I am now) and there is junk food everywhere! There is a huge Red Velvet cake iced like a present, cheese danishes, assorted monster sized muffins, an industrial sized pumpkin pie (can you tell this stuff is from Costco?) and sugar cereal, rolls and bricks of cookie dough O_o I guess my mom was feeling Christmasy? |
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| Weightloss Rant |
[Dec. 20th, 2009|05:19 pm] |
So I want to lose some weight. *sigh*
I have mixed feelings about this because overall I'm happy with my body and I'm healthy. My thighs are of course a bit more uh...formidable than I would like but I am usually at peace with them.
But this week my husband told me he thinks it would be nice if I lost a little weight O_o Having been under the impression that he liked curves I was a little surprised but I have decided to stop pouting and to use his comment as motivation to get into the best shape ever.
Problem #1... I really like food. I like to buy it, I like to cook it, I like to look at it, I like think about it... I look forward to it, I scheme about it, I plan around it. So this is troublesome.
I'm trying to change the way I think about food. You know, take it from a serious relationship to a casual one.
Not that I wish I were overweight or anything but being that I'm not I feel less hopeful about being able to lose any weight. Like my body will reject any effort I make and just defend my current weight, formidable thighs and all.
I am about 7 or so pounds heavier than I was 3 years ago even though there's not a significant difference in my body (of course that's only my subjective view) so that makes me feel more hopeful that I can attain that adult weight. So 7-10lbs is my initial goal and 15lbs is my ultimate goal although I'm not sure if that's even realistic :/ Also it might take me forever. I am obviously pumped and have a great attitude and outlook about this...
So here are my stats because it seems like the official thing to do:
Age: 25
Height: 5'5"
Weight: 130lbs
Goal Weight: 120lbs
A picture from 3 years ago:
A recent picture:
Sometimes I tell my myself: "Ah, our culture is so obsessed with beauty and being thin, I'm just being brainwashed" or "Don't be upset about want I don't have (super skinniness) just enjoy what I have right now (a cookie!)"
But overall I think this will be good. I will be practicing greater self control and making an effort to please my husband and be more as a result be athletic/healthy/strong etc.
So here we go... |
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| Legacy! |
[Dec. 6th, 2009|07:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Christmasy | ] |
I'm sitting on the couch with a soft fuzzy blanket and tons of candles lit and our beautiful Christmas tree sparkling. There's a Harry Potter marathon on TV and I'm not feeling so sick as earlier today :)
And also I think Legacy from SYTYCD is fabulous!
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| Simply messing about |
[Jul. 30th, 2009|08:41 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  geeky | ] |
-My goal is to be super productive today. A real get-stuff-doner.
-Here I am on LJ not being productive.
-On Tuesday I took the baby (Patrick) I nanny out to Panera. He was in a little highchair with his lunch spread in front of him and I had a big beautiful mug of hot chocolate with whipped cream and a little cup of corn chowder. I thought to myself "Isn't this fun? We're at a cafe taking in the atmosphere... maybe I'll have inspiring thoughts and write them in my notebook!"
-Then Patrick without touching his lunch proceeds to throw up all over the place. Crying and screaming (him not me) I was taking his little romper off but he continued to throw up so I had to take him into the bathroom and wash him off in the sink all while he pitched a fit. Surrounded by people in business suits having lunch-dates or typing away at their lap-tops I calmly asked for a to-go cup for my soup and hot chocolate and packed everything up including a very disgusting little romper which I was tempted to put in the trash and took my very unhappy, naked baby home.
-He continued to throw up in the car and once we were home I gave him a bath, put fresh clothes on him, rubbed him with calming lavender baby lotion and gave him some Pedialyte and crackers. He was pretty happy after all that but I was sweaty, feeling gross and slightly vomited upon whilst my cafe dreams had been shattered and my soup and hot chocolate were downstairs luke-warm in cardboard cups.
-Sigh.
-Yesterday I booked a cruise to the Bahamas in honor of our anniversary :) I'm very excited but of course our bank account looks like a stock that just took a hit O_O
-Tonight we're going to see The Taming of the Shrew at Watkins Regional Park.
-I bought a children's book the other day from a thrift shop and adore it. I would love to write a children's book.
-I also want this book. http://www.amazon.com/Ignore-Everybody-Other-Creativity-Portfolio/dp/159184259X
-Anita bought me red lipstick for my birthday and I've really been enjoying it although I have not worn it out of my house...yet.
-Exhibit A:
-And now I will go see what I can do about that whole productive thing. |
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| In a land of myth at a time of magic |
[Jul. 15th, 2009|06:42 pm] |
MERLIN! I can't wait til they air the second season. I'm in love with the show, the feel, the legends, the actors and every other little thing. "In a land of myth at a time of magic..." *chills*
To feed my medieval obsession I've been reading The Once and Future King, and also researching all of the legends of King Arthur... and I watched Ivanhoe and A Lion in Winter. Ivanhoe I liked. I especially thought the bit about the witch trial was really funny in a ridiculous and sad way. They pointed to a live dog and claimed the "witch" had eaten the dog and then brought it back to life to hide her guilt.... nice.
I wish my hair was Renaissance long and that I had a hooded cape. An impractical soul I do have.
I was also reading Made for Heaven by C.S. Lewis and he was talking about how we as humans have a desire not just to see beauty but to enter into it. I of course can't say it like he did but it resonated inside of me and I felt like he was expressing the desires of my heart that I've never been able to articulate (still cant, ha.) For instance... the desire not just to swim but to BE the water... to be fluid and free, possessing the power and coolness of the water. To not just see the firelight but to somehow indulge in it in a way I can't.
He was saying this is why our poetry and fairy tales are what they are. Because the fairies and the gods do what we long to do... and that Heaven's reality would likely resemble a fairy tale.
Today I was thinking how time is a valuable commodity, but we usually spend more time (ahaha) thinking about money and how best to make it/use it/spend it/save it than we do about how we want to spend our time. For instance... Dan and I are thinking of going on a cruise but it will be pretty expensive (in our opinion) BUT we are rich in that we have the time and freedom to go. The time won't always be there... it's not something we can save and it will be trifled and frittered away somehow for sure.
Um and lastly... HarryPotterHarryPotterHarryPotterHarryPotterHarryPotter :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 24th, 2009|04:52 pm] |
I finally applied for my passport today! Not that I haven't tried to do it several times, but this time everything actually fell into place. Now Dan will be motivated to go apply for his and then Lord willing we're off to somewhere exotic!
Nonny (my grandmother-in-law) found out that I've started selling vintage clothing online and gave me a bunch of neat clothes which I have been trying on and sizing up this afternoon. I have lots of vintage clothes now and sometimes when I decide to list some things online I instead end up "playing dress-up" then at the computer in my underwear surrounded by crazy dresses and accessories and I think... who did this? Did I make this huge mess?
I'm on a shopping fast as it were right now. I don't know when I became such a shopper but I really I could go to the thrift store every day. I wouldn't quite call it an obsession but I definitely find it thrilling. However I do not want to acquire so many things that I can't enjoy/keep track of what I have and I don't want to pilfer my money away mindlessly even if no one thing is expensive in itself.
My mom is reading The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment by Jeremiah Burroughs http://www.amazon.com/Jewel-Christian-Contentment-Jeremiah-Burroughs/dp/1878442287 right now and my plan is to read it as well. Contentment is hard sometimes. I'm usually very happy, but also sort of restless and antsy like contentment is just a skip ahead of me. Always in the back of my mind thinking about what I should be doing (even now!) or who might be upset with me for making one choice over another. Ambitious to do everything I want to do and everything I'm supposed to do and leave no one disappointed with me including myself.
I just finished reading a weight-loss memoir called Half-Assed http://www.amazon.com/Half-Assed-Weight-Loss-Memoir-Jennette-Fulda/dp/1580052339/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1245879010&sr=1-1
It was hilarious and extremely insightful. Not just about weight but about people. Another thing funny about this book is casually saying the title out loud. But a librarian assured me that "It's okay. You can say 'ass' in the library."
The book I'm currently reading is Wrapped in Rain http://www.amazon.com/Wrapped-Rain-Charles-Martin/dp/1595541861/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1245879301&sr=1-1 which is a really beautiful book. Everything is so vivid right down to making me salivate for cheese grits, fried shrimp and sweet tea.
Didn't mean to write a book report here but in a way what I've been reading is kind of like talking about my "private life" because I have been experiencing these books in sort of a virtual reality in my mind where no one can see. When people watch movies everyone sees the same thing even if they perceive it somewhat differently but books are not like that.
Ah! Shopping fast aside (as this mainly pertains to clothing) I bought a huge hanging basket of red geraniums with ivy spilling over the sides from a local garden fruit stand and it's absolutely beautiful. It's so lovely it can't even be owned... I can barely associate myself with it.
Now off to the gym I go!
oh and a picture of the beach, which was very nice. The End.
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| Walmarx |
[Jan. 20th, 2009|09:39 pm] |
This makes me laugh so hard...
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| Alurminerm Furl |
[Jan. 19th, 2009|09:08 pm] |
I did not vote for Barack Obama, and I disagree with him on many points, but I will not throw my shoes at him. I will pray for his health and safety and that the Lord will reveal Himself to Obama and enable him to serve our country well and to make right decisions.
On a different note: 5,000 port-o-potties, wow! I can just see someone telling their great grandchildren about the Inauguration..."Well it was a crisp cold morning and there were port-o-potties as far as the eye could see..."
At the mall on Saturday a guy was hitting on me and he was so suave and charming. I'm pretty sure he was high and on this point I felt sad for him. On the one hand he's just a doped up male, cruising the mall with sex on his mind but I can't help but feel that so many people are lonely and wanting to be loved and escaping hurts with drugs... feeling insecure about facing their thoughts inside but feeling the high of being invincible and confident for just a little while until they come back down again. I told him that I was married and my husband was at home plumbing the toilet. Which was quite true. Dan has been having to get acquainted with the inner workings of our plumbing system and has been dubbed "The Commode Conqueror". He has a cushy office job now but sweaty tousled hair and torn work jeans are still my favorite. He laughs whenever I remind him that when I met him he had holes in his shoes and a velcro watch.
I've been treasure hunting in the thrift stores lately. I want to have a little vintage boutique online. It's so fun to find things and to research their history. I'd like to find a dress form but they're so expensive.
I want to develop more of my creative talents and to know more deeply God the creator and artist, originator of beauty and all things seen and unseen. |
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| I dreamt I was a baby piggy on a farm...oink oink! |
[Oct. 30th, 2008|09:36 pm] |
I am infatuated with Harry Potter. My insides are all sparkly with fantasy. The smell of the library intoxicates me. I love the Fall. The colors are beautiful; the air is magic. This is my favorite time of year.
I want to create a children's book. I want to sew an apron. I want to play the piano decently. I want to knit a scarf.
I love being in the same room with Dan. Even when we're doing separate things and the only sounds are soft occasional typing and mouse clicks. His presence just makes me feel warm and content inside. Our kitty is snuggled up next to him... I think he must feel the same way. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 8th, 2008|01:02 pm] |
Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.
1 John 2:15-17
I was reading that this morning and trying to think of what it means to "love the world"...
The Love of the World:
Chasing after things
Continually lusting for more
Selfishness
Excessive input of media
Neglecting relationships
Boasting in things we have or have done
Complaining
Stress
Anxiety
Fear
Distrust of God
The Love of the Father:
Healthy relationships
More love for others than self
Contentment
Generosity
Joy
Prayer
Reading God's word
Trusting in God
Resting in him
Unfortunately I see myself more in the first column than the second. So often I run around feeling too busy and stressed out, trying to do and to achieve things in my own strength and then irritated and impatient with myself and others because I can't control everything and make it all come out how I want it to. Full of anxiety and fear that more depends on me than on God. Guilty of not trusting him when he's always been faithful to me.
So I'm working on slowing down, and looking to God rather than tearing myself apart inside looking for the strength to be perfect. I was made to be dependent on him, and to enjoy him and all that's he's given me.
The righteous shall see and fear,
and shall laugh at him, saying,
"See the man who would not make
God his refuge,
but trusted in the abundance of his riches
and sought refuge in his own destruction!"
But I am like a green olive tree
in the house of God.
I trust in the steadfast love of God
forever and ever.
I will thank you forever,
because you have done it.
I will wait for your name, for it is good,
in the presence of the godly.
Psalm 52:6-9 |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 27th, 2008|09:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sad | ] |
So our dining room was this strange green color. It looked kind of classy in it's own way but I hated it as soon as I saw it and thought "who would choose that color?". We've lived here for almost a year with that green and since we had a piano coming that was going to go in the dining room I thought "let me paint the dining room so we won't have to move the piano again once it's in place". So I went to Home Depot and picked a color called "Vintage Merlot", which was beautiful on the paint chip, Barney purple in the can and less than desirable on the wall. So I went back to Home Depot with a fear of purple pigment in my heart and got a nice reddish color called "Cinnamon Cherry". Painted the wall the piano was to go on. It looked good, I liked it, but it was too shiny so we went back and got a flatter finish of the same color. Tah-dah, beautiful. But I started to be sad about the green going away... maybe it wasn't so bad after all. It actually looked kind of nice up against the new paint in the kitchen. I asked Dan if he really liked the red and he said "Yeah, it's better than the green." Deep breath. Ok. I like it, he likes it, we're good. The piano is now here on the red wall, but most of the dining room including the huge long wall is still green and dangit all I like the green and I don't want to paint that wall red. I tell myself "no, you don't like that green... it's ugly remember? Only splotches of camo are that color... there probably aren't even any plants that color. Pictures will look nice up against the red."
I don't know what to do. Dan will be really irritated after we already finished two coats of red paint on that wall. I've been to Home Depot 3 times already. We bought all that paint. We don't have any of the green paint, even if we did, it would be a lot of work to cover the red, plus move the piano. So we should just go ahead and paint the rest of the dining room red... :( I feel like a person in a book, who hates someone but then the person they hate is dying and they realize "I have loved you all along!" And I'm talking about a green wall.
I feel like a nutcase. |
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| then go on and say it uncasually |
[Aug. 18th, 2008|10:50 pm] |
I like hints of things. Like when you have to be on your toes to find things... people saying something hilarious in a calm small voice when they only glance up for a second and then let life carry on. I want to laugh and tell them they're brilliant but instead you just have to lock eyes with them for that split second and let the moment sparkle. Especially when other people in the room didn't catch the joke.
One time Anita and I were at the Ren Fest and one of the comedy show entertainers didn't have a shirt on (I think he was pretending to be a pirate?) and he looked just like an average guy but when he would laugh or move in a certain way his abs would look completely ripped so that it seemed your eyes were playing tricks on you. I know lots of guys with six packs (they seem to run standard in the men in my family) it's nothing that interesting to me, but there was something so exciting about this man's abs because you had to watch for it. I sound sensual but I don't mean to be, only it explains what I mean about hidden beauties. When something is attractive and elusive and you can't always name it or call it out or always be sure it was there at all. Some people have a beautiful "real" laugh but they usually use their "polite" laugh or just wear an amused smile, but when something catches them off guard and they really and truly let go it's like music.
In contrast, it bothers me when people are schmoozy and overly polite... even if I think they're pleasant and enjoy their company, something in me hides away in a distrust. I think true charm should just flow naturally from someone. When they seem all too in control of their charm, I'm on guard. Gentle honesty always disarms me. It's bewitching and lovely when people are a little awkward and unstudied. Perfection isn't always perfect. |
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| haha stereotypinggg |
[Jul. 5th, 2008|11:23 am] |
Forochel79: I'll call Anita today and work out details
beneartome: yeah that would be good
beneartome: she's in WV right now
Forochel79: Oh right!
Forochel79: well hopefully her mouth isn't so full of tobacco that I can't understand what shes saying |
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| Hi Anita! |
[Mar. 14th, 2008|02:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  giggly | ] |
ElfinChica:I get a free pair of underwear
ElfinChica:isn't that cool?
Not as cool as you! |
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| Suck in that butt, soldier! |
[Feb. 6th, 2008|11:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | raindrops | ] |
Today I:
Was so angry with my cat I could have sold him to a Chinese Food Restaurant.
Had the wind in my hair and a song in my heart.
Resolved never again to exercise in the movie room unless I'm familiar with the movie. There's enough unavoidable nightmare content floating around. I need to at least protect my mind where I can. No need to gasp in horror and stumble off the treadmill trying to get away.
Put on some purple eyeshadow to commemorate the beautiful day with my face. I tried to take a picture of it but it was pretty hard! Haha, my hair decided it wasn't going to commemorate anything.
I keep recalling memories of the spring when I was 17... I remember being so happy and so scared/excited about everything. I remember there was so much Wisteria everywhere and I was obsessed with it and I put in in vases and it looked Greek and I wore it in my hair along with any other flowers I could find. Looking back it was exactly like a calm before a storm... so happy, so alive, with a sense of anticipation, that wonderful warm feeling with a cool breeze and then... oh and then. |
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| I can haz cheezburger? |
[Jan. 30th, 2008|09:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
IM conversation with Anita... sometimes we ponder over the universe...sometimes not.
BeNearToMe: I really crave fat
ElfinChica: lol
ElfinChica: me too
ElfinChica: well.. I crave weird fat
ElfinChica: like grease
BeNearToMe: yeah
ElfinChica: like I want cheese pizza, and I know i just want it for the grease
ElfinChica: isnt' that weird?
ElfinChica: or fried chicken
BeNearToMe: I want grease and cheese and sour cream and butter
ElfinChica: yup, same here
BeNearToMe: it's so SATISFYING
ElfinChica: *laughing*
BeNearToMe: I love chips and salsa but I could eat the whole bag and bin and feel full but not satisfied
ElfinChica: *nods*
ElfinChica: yeah.. I think that's how fiber makes me feel
ElfinChica: full, but not satisfied
ElfinChica: like when I have my salad, my stomach physically feels full
ElfinChica: but I want to eat more
ElfinChica: I guess that's why you need self-control
BeNearToMe: haha
BeNearToMe: what does self-control taste like?
ElfinChica: crap
BeNearToMe: LOL |
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| Yes, please! |
[Jan. 25th, 2008|11:36 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Billie Holiday | ] |
"I was going to buy a copy of 'The Power of Positive Thinking', and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?"
-Ronnie Shakes
hahahahaha ;)
I have my favorite shirt on, I'm full of happy and I'm going to go make some cookies and then eat them ;)
7 The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul;
The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple;
8 The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes;
9 The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever;
The judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether.
10 More to be desired are they than gold,
Yea, than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
PSALM 19:7-10 |
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| Hold me, Hold me cause I want to get higher and higher |
[Jan. 21st, 2008|04:29 pm] |
1 Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said:
2 "Who is this that darkens my counsel
with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.
4 "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6 On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone-
7 while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels shouted for joy?
8 "Who shut up the sea behind doors
when it burst forth from the womb,
9 when I made the clouds its garment
and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 when I fixed limits for it
and set its doors and bars in place,
11 when I said, 'This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt'?
12 "Have you ever given orders to the morning,
or shown the dawn its place,
13 that it might take the earth by the edges
and shake the wicked out of it?
14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;
its features stand out like those of a garment.
15 The wicked are denied their light,
and their upraised arm is broken.
16 "Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea
or walked in the recesses of the deep?
17 Have the gates of death been shown to you?
Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death?
18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?
Tell me, if you know all this.
19 "What is the way to the abode of light?
And where does darkness reside?
20 Can you take them to their places?
Do you know the paths to their dwellings?
21 Surely you know, for you were already born!
You have lived so many years!
22 "Have you entered the storehouses of the snow
or seen the storehouses of the hail,
23 which I reserve for times of trouble,
for days of war and battle?
24 What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed,
or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?
25 Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain,
and a path for the thunderstorm,
26 to water a land where no man lives,
a desert with no one in it,
27 to satisfy a desolate wasteland
and make it sprout with grass?
28 Does the rain have a father?
Who fathers the drops of dew?
29 From whose womb comes the ice?
Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens
30 when the waters become hard as stone,
when the surface of the deep is frozen?
31 "Can you bind the beautiful Pleiades?
Can you loose the cords of Orion?
32 Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons
or lead out the Bear with its cubs?
33 Do you know the laws of the heavens?
Can you set up God's dominion over the earth?
34 "Can you raise your voice to the clouds
and cover yourself with a flood of water?
35 Do you send the lightning bolts on their way?
Do they report to you, 'Here we are'?
36 Who endowed the heart with wisdom
or gave understanding to the mind?
37 Who has the wisdom to count the clouds?
Who can tip over the water jars of the heavens
38 when the dust becomes hard
and the clods of earth stick together?
39 "Do you hunt the prey for the lioness
and satisfy the hunger of the lions
40 when they crouch in their dens
or lie in wait in a thicket?
41 Who provides food for the raven
when its young cry out to God
and wander about for lack of food?
JOB 38 |
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| Real Conversations: Proof that I drive Dan crazy |
[Jan. 18th, 2008|12:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | silly | ] |
Me: Would you take a Yoga class with me?
Dan: Yeah right. I’d rather take a bath in yogurt.
Me: Do I look like an Orca whale in this bathing suit?
Dan: No, you do not look like an Orca whale.
Me: If I buy you a man-scarf, will you wear it?
Dan: *grimace* Do I have to?
Me: Are you winning on your computer game? How are the little men?
Dan: *guilty laugh* I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Me: Can we please have your parent’s piano?
Dan: Yeah right. I’m not moving that thing again.
Me: How many people did it take to carry it last time?
Dan: Not enough.
Me: *whine* Pleeaasse?
Dan: We’ll see.
Me: You just say that hoping I’ll forget about it.
Dan: Exactly.
Me: Can we go swimming?
Dan: Eh. I don’t like the indoor pool.
Me: I want our house to look like this! *shows a picture from Romantic Homes magazine*
Dan: *look of alarm*
Me: Hey look, your cousin invited us to a Masquerade Ball!
Dan: Cool.
Me: I’m going to dress you up the like The Phantom of the Opera!
Dan: *look of alarm*
Me: *Blasts Hip Hop on the radio in the car*
Dan: *rolls eyes* *changes station* |
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fairyuglyshoe's journal
refreshed